A World in A Flower - Solitude and Relationship
A scene that moved Goethe to tears and a paragraph that describes the scene that made my hairs stand:
“But the motive behind such singing [of the wives waiting at seashore
for their fisherman husbands to return] is so human and genuine that it
makes the mere notes of the melody, over which scholars have racked
their brains in vain, come to life. It is the cry of some lonely human
being sent out into the wide world till it reaches the ears of another
lonely human being who is moved to answer it.”
How lonely each of us is! No matter how close we are to each other,
we’re still A Heart-beat Away. Some would argue against such a claim by
invoking the belief that man and woman would become united as one in
orgasm. In that precise moment, they are not alone. I’m not sure how
true it is. Even if it’s true, it is only ephemeral. We will find times
we have words coming to our mouths but a second later being swallowed
back. We will find times we simply can’t find the right person to
confide in. We will find times even when we do share, we are not being
understood. Out of our own vanity, fear and selfishness, and out of
others’ too. We are deemed lonely no matter how accompanied we are.
The scene depicted above brought me to think of many modern analogies.
The dolphins make unusually high-pitched whistles to call out to the
same species in the “vicinity”, which can be a whole lot distance away,
under water. The Chinese IT giant, Tencent, created an application
called Drift Bottle, which allows its users to send messages to
strangers. We Mankind as a whole send voice and music records to the
outer space to reach out for other lives in the universe. If not lonely,
Then again it is not a bad thing at all. It’s
part of us being human. We need solitude to pause, reflect and look
inward; to make an internal adjustment if necessary so as to better live
the outward life.
We will for sure feel lonely at some points of our life. The question is how we utilize such moments.
On the other end of the spectrum is relationship. It is not so much as
opposed to solitude but rather the two of them are being in each other.
What I’ve been thinking lately is what do I want from a relationship?
The first two things that come to my mind is I want someone who accepts
me for who I am and someone who can grow with me. Insofar, I have not
yet find anything else that qualifies to enter the list.
not having common interests matter? Does having too much in common
matter? Does look matter? Does height matter? Does weight matter? Does
teeth matter? Does intelligence matter? Does ambition matter? …
Parents often look at the contender’s family background. Whether
his/her family is well-to-do enough to give their child “happiness ever
after”. Whether he/she is caring enough. Whether he/she is filial enough
to his/her parents. It could go as far as your dating goes or even
beyond, say your marriage.
So many criteria! What a complex
optimization problem! We are desperate for expert opinions. We turn to
our gut feeling. We pray to God.
After all, it is a leap of faith.
Who says? A contract at most. Just that it’s not in black and white. Huh.